Feeling Like I'm 'Not Enough'

Image Courtesy freedigitalphotos.net-Craftyjoe

I write a lot about how much I do and how much I write and to some it may sound like I think  I'm perfect.

Yet how strange that the opposite is true.

It seems to me that no matter  how much I do I always feel like I'm 'not enough.' I don't write enough, I'm not kind enough, I'm not self-disciplined enough, and on and on the list goes.

I used to think it was only me that felt this way because so many others write about how much they do, how well they're doing, how self-disciplined they are and I sit and wonder why I'm not as good as they are.

But lately the subject of being authentic has sprung up in a big way. It's making people be honest about who they are and all their personal flaws.


Some, such as Brian Gardner, have even gone as far as shutting down their 'un-authentic' websites to create sites where they can be themselves and express what they're really thinking and feeling instead of trying to create a massive 'guru' image of themselves.

I also read an inspiring article by Joshua Becker about how he is struggling to be more authentic and he outlines his 7 biggest personal flaws.

I found his article incredibly inspiring because he struggles with the same internal feelings that I do. Reading his words felt like he had peeked into my mind, seen all my thoughts and wrote them in his blog.

He lists his flaws this way:

Jealousy. He says his envy of others runs deep and he's always jealous of the skill and success of other writers. His jealousy is crippling and burdensome.

Desire of Approval. His desire for approval is so strong that "Often, it inhibits my ability to even be myself". He holds back strong opinions for fear of not being popular and sees no freedom in desiring approval instead of desiring to be yourself. (It was Martha Graham who put it best when she said "What people think of you is really none of your business.")

Lack of self-disciplin. Although he tries to rise early, meditate often and practice complete focus, he fails often and envies those who can do it.

Selfishness. He says he now has more money than at any other time in his life and his spending is minimal, yet he wants to give away less than he ever has before.

Guilt over physical possessions. He owns less than most but still has more than he needs but can't part with it. This makes him feel less qualified to write about it on his minimalist blog.

Lack of empathy. He feels so busy gaining the approval of others and being mindful of what their opinion of him might be that he never takes the time to see the pain others are going through.

Protecting his image. He won't express weakness nor ask for help and works hard to protect others thoughts about him. He sees it as pride and fights against it.

He sees great freedom in authenticity and thinks we waste too much time trying to craft our own image of ourselves in other people's minds.

And he is right about everything.

I too suffer from jealousy, selfishness, guilt over possessions and protecting my image.

And why do I do it?

I have absolutely no idea.

He is right that being true to ourselves will not only free us from pride and jealousy but will also show in our work because we'll be working to do our best and not to do something that we think will make others like us better.

So now that I have downsized in my life by moving from my big house into a tiny 2-bed wooden home, and downsized my business by letting go of some of my websites that weren't serving me any more, it's time to downsize my attitude as well and move towards being more authentic. To being the best version of me.

And what is the best version of me?

There isn't one.

To be truly authentic means to take each day and everything in it as it comes.

And as to my writing, I intend to do more of the stuff I love and less of the stuff I think I should be doing. And to stop worrying about the odd typo or grammatical gaff and to not give a hoot if some people don't like my work, because there are others who do and, more importantly, I'll like it.

I feel better already just voicing everything.

Life is sweet when we only have ourselves to please instead of looking for the approval of others or watching what they're doing and feeling that we should be doing it too.